Me & Romeo
So first let me say that the turkey bowl was completely awesome! I played three games and then subbed for another team. The subbing is where I met ( and to protect the guilty I am changing his name) Romeo. I would say this is how not to pick me up, but I am going to say on behalf of most of my gender that this is how not to pick up females. Romeo was pitching to me for the team I subbed on ( your own pitcher pitches to you for turkey bowl) and this is when he decided to tell me I was his new best friend the first time and ask my name. Now let me say that Romeo isn't a bad looking guy at all he is just dumb and by the time I ran into him again at the after party -- very drunk. So what follows is true and all of it courtesy of Romeo:
How not to pick up a woman:
1) Every time run into her tell put your arm around her and tell everyone loudly that she is your new best friend -- then ask her what her name is -- repeat exactly -- at least 6 times.
2) Make sure you tell her that you cross-dressed for Halloween and the show her pictures of you in drag dressed as the Bounty hunter's wife. Then please launch into a story about how a 40+ year old woman tried to take you home but you didn't want to have to put on the fishnet stockings again so you sent her home to her vibrator instead.
3) Mention that you are 23 and looking to have a good time.
4) Tell her the charming story of the last time you were arrested and how at least that time, it was just a paperwork thing, but you were in jail for only 48 hours at least.
5) Girls always love a bad boy so regale her with stories of how you were bad and got into trouble with the law which caused the paperwork problem in the first place.
6) Make sure you tell her that it was the only time you were arrested sober and that you yelled at the top of your lungs at everyone you could find.
7) Do not forget to mention that you think college is a waste of time and that people who have degrees just wasted their time.
8) Proudly tell her that you have been drinking since you rolled out of bed this morning and haven't stopped yet.
9) She might have missed that you were interested in her the first couple times you walked up to her table and interjected into the conversation her and her teammates were having, but your persistence will pay off keep trying.
10) When she is telling people how something is misspelled on her shirt point out that you missed the word 'bruise' being misspelled on her shirt and then ask how it should be spelled.
I had thought about injecting my own sarcasm into these a bit more but it just isn't necessary -- so for goodness sake don't be a Romeo!
How not to pick up a woman:
1) Every time run into her tell put your arm around her and tell everyone loudly that she is your new best friend -- then ask her what her name is -- repeat exactly -- at least 6 times.
2) Make sure you tell her that you cross-dressed for Halloween and the show her pictures of you in drag dressed as the Bounty hunter's wife. Then please launch into a story about how a 40+ year old woman tried to take you home but you didn't want to have to put on the fishnet stockings again so you sent her home to her vibrator instead.
3) Mention that you are 23 and looking to have a good time.
4) Tell her the charming story of the last time you were arrested and how at least that time, it was just a paperwork thing, but you were in jail for only 48 hours at least.
5) Girls always love a bad boy so regale her with stories of how you were bad and got into trouble with the law which caused the paperwork problem in the first place.
6) Make sure you tell her that it was the only time you were arrested sober and that you yelled at the top of your lungs at everyone you could find.
7) Do not forget to mention that you think college is a waste of time and that people who have degrees just wasted their time.
8) Proudly tell her that you have been drinking since you rolled out of bed this morning and haven't stopped yet.
9) She might have missed that you were interested in her the first couple times you walked up to her table and interjected into the conversation her and her teammates were having, but your persistence will pay off keep trying.
10) When she is telling people how something is misspelled on her shirt point out that you missed the word 'bruise' being misspelled on her shirt and then ask how it should be spelled.
I had thought about injecting my own sarcasm into these a bit more but it just isn't necessary -- so for goodness sake don't be a Romeo!
posted by Jackie at 7:32 AM
2 Comments:
Yikes.
Egad.
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